Reminiscing the memory lane.

"You make wanna love, you make me wanna fall, you make me wanna surrender my soul"

I'm turning 23 this years, it's a pretty big number at least for me. But it's still long way to go, and lot's of thing to be catch up in order to discover what life really mean. Have you ever cross when some songs that been played in your iPod reflect to how old you are specifically when the songs were currently blooming. It's not a bad feeling, but it's like a slap on your face how far you've been. I was grown up listening to Britney Spears, BLUE, 911, N'sync and lot's more to go. Yeah basically I'm a 90's babies. The time when were all the band-boy really hit the charts and Britney just started her career.

There's one song really captured my attention, since I keep replayed the song again and again. It's a song called "U Make Me Wanna" by BLUE and if I'm not mistaken this song were on hit in early 2000 or somewhere around that. Sorry for the lack of information on that but that it's not I wanna share about. I wanna share about how songs really make a huge impact on me.

Listening to this song, reminds me on what I have been through. The upside down, the lost identity, the confused about future and last but not least boys. Boys? Sound like quite number right? But nah, I'm not that kind of girl having a collection numbers of boyfriends while in high-school. I'm kinda nerd back then plus I'm don't really know how to dress up well. 

Back in high-school, I don't really have much guy friends compare to now since I was in girls school and my parents were pretty strict on that time. But things change when I get to know this guy, we become bestfriend and after high-school we declared as couple. It's actually my rules not to declare anything while I'm still stuck with SPM nightmare.So he waited, till we finally breathe out from SPM and the declaration become open. I know, it's funny since it's a "puppy love" on that time.

Amazingly this "puppy love" really change my perspective about love, boys, and life. Yeah, we been holding on together for quite some years till it become serious after we entered college life. Sometimes, what we expect may turn out badly from the way we always wanted. After log years having each other, we finally end it in harsh way which really effects me mentally and emotionally. I never thought broken heart will lead me this bad and affect all the good part of life on that time. Pretty stupid, but I still remember someone said to me "the first cut always the deepest" and I'm totally agreed with that quotes.

After all years backing up, and fight for my future I'm back on track but this "puppy love" drama have traumatized me. Maybe for some people it may be bad way but for me I took it as a good positive side to be a better person. I don't avoiding boys or hating relationship till that extends but I learn to preserved my heart for the one that really deserved to have it, which I gradually named the lucky guy as husband. LOL

I know, it's sound too fantasy but I'm kind of girl that believe in fairy-tales and true love. As time goes by, I learn a lot about relationship, about people come and go, life drama and sort of. Lemme crack your head easily, I'm 23 and still single. It's my choice and I'm proud of it. I preserved my heart just to love my husband. As for husband here, I mean as a guy that can lead me to Jannah, love me and our future kids with all his heart, be my kids and me caliph to Allah's pleasure, be a good Imam to the family, wonderful leader and help each other to be a better servants for Allah. He doesn't have to be perfect, and there's no perfectionist except Allah Taala'.

I hope I'm not asking too much because I believe "good man are created for good woman". I understand, I have done some sins back in the past and I know I still lack of knowledge in Islam but Insyallah with Allah's will I'm willing to learn to be a better Muslim.

*p/s: I'm sorry I can't recall the source of this du'a

Insyallah we will meet again,

Ain Afiqah Ab Rahman.